and oh god how scared must he be that his dad might die and he can’t tell him that he loves him or how much he means to him or that he’s so sorry for all those things he sees his dad blaming him for and look at his face look at his face he is fucking scared shitless he is afraid he won’t have enough strength and he may never speak to his father again and it’s like you can see his world ending
Colton Haynes, about tonight’s episode (x)
30 Days of Wincest ╬ Day 17 - Favorite Reunion
Season 4, episode 1 - Lazarus Rising
At first, Sam goes in to shock, silently mouthing his brother’s name as the hairs stand up on his neck. It takes a moment and then this “Dean” talks, smiles and jokes like his brother would, and Sam’s blood goes cold with blinding rage. How fucking DARE this ghoul or demon or shifter or whatever the hell it is wear the face of his dead brother. He’s so fucking pissed and he surges forward to kill it, because seeing Dean’s face and it not actually being Dean is too much to handle. But it is Dean, and once that sinks in he can’t move fast enough to wrap his arms around him, something he’s dreamed about every night before his dreams went red and he lost him all over again. Later Dean accuses him of making a deal to rescue him, because Dean knows he did the same. He doesn’t doubt that Sam would do it for him, too. That’s the kind of relationship they have. Sam admits he tried, begged to sell his soul and how he’s so very sorry they wouldn’t take it. So damned sorry he was down there for so long and he couldn’t do anything. Then, with questions unanswered and a destination to head to, Sam slips the necklace out from under his shirt where it’s been safely kept close to his heart these four months, and gives it to Dean, just like he did 20 years ago.
would you know my name?
#this scene just kills me okay #because Sam was only six months old when Mary died he can’t remember a damn thing about her #he has no idea who she is or what it was like to have a mom #his entire life she’s been this distant idea #a vague concept that he’s never known but somehow still loves #and the only other time he got to interact with her was when they traveled to her younger self and John because Anna was trying to kill her #oh and also when she was a ghost and he managed to say “hi” before she burst into flames #she’s just a memory here and it still would’ve been the closest thing they’ve had to a mother-son interaction #and he says “mom?” like a lost child #but she doesn’t answer #like he doesn’t exist at all to her #like heaven’s saying he doesn’t belong here #like he doesn’t deserve to have this